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Stop Sacrificing Yourself On The Altar of Regret

your life is waiting to be livedEvery minute spent repeating the past, wishing you could have done this or that differently, is present time being sacrificed on the altar of regret. Stop repeating the cycle of regret. Stop taking on 100% responsibility for the shortcomings of another. Accept your part in a past relationship and rise up from the altar of regret. Step forward into your new life.

You can’t get yesterday back. When love goes wrong, it’s natural to wish you could have not said whatever you said or did – that ended up being “that last straw” that broke the camel’s back. However, you’re overlooking the fact that if it was the last straw, then it was going on for sometime.  So it wasn’t just one thing. If the root of the problem was being ignored, the ending was inevitable. So often couples ignore the signs or one person always wants to sweep problems under the rug until there’s a huge bump that everyone’s tripping over later! I believe people need to address problems in the beginning – a strategy that both are committed to implementing. If they cannot stick to the strategy – the problem will repeat and destroy the relationship down the road. Relationship dynamics involve two people. The person who places the straw on the back – is not always the lone one responsible for the blow up or the ending.  Contributing factors often account for endings. Of course not always, but I am speaking to those people who are stuck regretting what they did when it may have been unavoidable, because nothing ever really changed.

When we ignore problems, they become ticking time bombs. If you are stuck regretting, get unstuck as soon as you can! A relationship involves two participating people working as a team with the greater common goal of their shared union being more important than their individual fears or egos. Perhaps the common goal wasn’t so common after all. Perhaps the union wasn’t really a union. So do a reality check for yourself. In retrospect, when you take a look at the relationship – was it always a struggle between your individual wants or were you both equally committed to the union that you shared? If it was a struggle, then that’s a hard way to be in love. Love is a constant negotiation between the individual and the “We” aspect.
When one person decides to walk away from the table, it isn’t a reflection of your failure at love. Just reflects a failure of the “We” to rise beyond the “Me”. So do not take it as personal failure. It’s an ending of an event that was between two separate people who converged at some point in their lives and then separated. Grieve yes – but do not regret who you showed up as in the context of your dynamics. Now you have a chance to grow on down a new path of your life.

The sacrificing season can be over whenever you say it is. If you need someone to forgive you – I forgive you! You are a divine human being – made in the face of God and you’re constantly growing and changing! Your life is not over. No one has the power to give you a death sentence except for you. Time to live now.

Peace & Blessings,
Coach Annette

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The PowerFul BeIngs

you have no need to travel anywhereHave you met your soul? Are you able to just observe the ego part of you for what it is and not allow it to overrun you? Like a mother observing a child crying out – knowing she can observe and in time, the child will quiet itself?  Are you able to quiet your mind so that you can appear for yourself? During the course of the day,  transcend the emotional traffic that is causing spiritual congestion. Touch that place within you where there is nothing and in that nothingness, wait by the door of consciousness.  You will experience the tranquility of you! That is where the remembrance lives. Your soul essence is nothing. It is your being just hanging out and taking everything in. It perceives all things beyond your human mind. It is an experience beyond the reach of words. But it knows answers to every confounding situation. It is the response of fullness in the void. It’s understanding extends beyond the confines of our perception, our history and our drama. It has no color, no gender, no differences, no flaws, no measures to measure up to. No fear to tackle. It experiences the journey as just a journey. That No-Being is a Know-ing Being! There all the time. In your background. We all have the power to access it. It’s up to you to plug in to your power of Be-ing.



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California Boy Bullied for Being “Fag Cheerleader”; Takes His Own Life

When will we learn to just let be. We have to arrest the ignorance of intolerance for diversity in the home where the crimes begin!

Unfinished Lives

Ronin Shimizu, 12, fell victim to bullying for being a "fag": the only boy on his middle school cheerleading squad. Ronin Shimizu, 12, fell victim to bullying for being a “fag”: the only boy on his middle school cheerleading squad.

Folsom, California – 12-year-old Ronin Shimizu took his own life because he couldn’t bear the bullying anymore. KXTV reports that after incessant bullying for being a “fag” and loving cheerleading so passionately, this young person became yet another in the growing number of children who found rumor and bullying online and in school too much to take. His parents repeatedly warned local school officials that Ronin was being incessantly targeted by bullies. It had gotten so bad in the sixth grade that Brandon and Danielle Shimizu withdrew their son from Middle School, and schooled him at home. But the accusations of homosexuality and denial of his masculinity for being a cheerleader followed him, and in the end overwhelmed him.

In the wake of Ronin’s suicide, officials of Folsom Middle School…

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Is There A Leader in You?

It has been a while since I blogged here. I missed my own Soul Food 4 The Soul! 🙂 I want to talk briefly about the current events that are at the forefront of our nation. There is a huge divide of racism currently. As a life coach this is always such a sensitive topic – how do I convey my truth without alienating my readers, clients and followers who exist throughout the spectrum? Well maybe I just have to go out on a limb and tell it as it is in this moment for me. What has taken my attention most of all are the conversations – the debates that are going on currently between people about the issue of police brutality. I don’t need to detail the degree of acrimony that you can find anywhere you look on social media. I do want to applaud all the people who are really studying the facts and can intelligently respond and contribute to the ignorant, uninformed conversations that swarm the net. This is not a time to feel powerless. This is a time to dig your heels in even deeper and commit to live the best life that you can. All of the victims were human beings like you and me. Their personality, how they made their living or their general disposition doesn’t matter. They didn’t wake up and decide “today I’m going to make the headlines.” Something happened to each of them – that they didn’t expect. We can debate about the specific choices, responses etc that they made all day. But my point is that the nature of life is courage - sit downfleeting. The color of your skin does not protect you from the hands of fate. Funeral directors will confirm that. No one gets out alive. We need to stop playing the role of Sunday armchair football experts stuck in playback mode- “if he had not done this or had not done that, then this would not have happened” and instead play the role that we were born to play – human beings. What does it take to offer words of compassion to our nation, with no BUTS. Anytime you lend compassion with a modifier – such as “But if he hadn’t..” it all becomes null and void. Our nation needs healing, not referees. There are no teams – because teams have a common goal – but who wins when it comes to hate? Why is it that our country could grieve together on 9/11 when innocent people of all nationalities were struck unaware. Our country can grieve together when innocent children are the victims of mass shootings but we can’t grieve together for victims of excessive brutality? Why can’t we all grieve together when the victims are all just one color – black? When blacks grieve over a tragedy such as 9/11 – they weren’t just grieving for the blacks that died but for all of the victims. Separateness is the living death of all of us. So if there is a leader within you –  please speak to the greater picture of equality when faced with ignorance.  Please listen with your ears and your heart. We need to be bigger than the smallest voice amongst us.

It’s scary to speak up – especially when you know you might not be the popular opinion. But how many times have you wished someone might speak up for you when you were scared too, because you just didn’t want to make waves. There are a lot of people who don’t want to be the voice of dissension but they are not in agreement with the majority. It takes a leader to have the courage to speak and defy the majority. You’ll be surprised how many people may actually end up following you. God doesn’t put the truth in our heart for it to die there. Speak the truth and allow the leader to emerge. We have an overflow of followers. Our nation needs leaders with a vision for doing what’s right and for identifying wrong when it’s just wrong. We need voices of all colors to be heard by all colors. No – this isn’t a black and white subject.  This is a human matter because ALL lives matter EQUALLY.

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The light of love|Compassion

This is right on time for our nation at the moment and everyday in general. Thank you Kissiah!

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A stunted life falls short of the glory we all are worthy of. All living things want to feel alive. How do we access that feeling? Through connection with self and others.Today invite a blossom into your life. Go an extra 10 minutes on the treadmill. Make that dreaded phone call. Send someone you love a message to let them know they crossed your mind. Smile at a stranger who appears caught up in their own world. Speak upliftment to someone who looks on the verge of tears. Look at your own self and say “job well done” for something you did. Tell a leader in your circle how they have helped you grow. Reach up. Reach out. Reach across. Reach down. You could just stand there in your safe space today. But why? Blossom and experience how it empowers you too in the process! With every ray of light you emit, more light is returned to you too! Lighten up and Blossom. ♥

Blessings and Light,

Coach B

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ImageChange is necessary although not always without resistance. Even when it is evident that the time has come to institute some changes in our lives, the longer we delay, the worst things will become. However, we grow comfortable with our status quo because it’s all that we’ve known. It keeps us “busy” in our lives although uncomfortable. There is irony in that discomfort. Discomfort is like a silent LOUD alarm that awakens and alerts us. We may make temporary changes just to quiet the annoyance of the need for change. Temporary is not good enough. Temporary changes just perpetuate the pattern that keeps us stuck in our mud and mire. Being in mud and mire can feel familiar and safe. Over and over we choose safety over new roads, which feel unfamiliar and threatening. Choose the unfamiliarity of potential success! Feel what it is like to see dreams coming true, rising to higher levels, making new commitments, achieving new victories and seeing yourself shine in the light of YOUR new day! So today, decide to make a permanent change that will quiet that alarm, that threatens your peace forever. You deserve to live in peace and the only way to experience that is through having the courage to step out of your old ways and create new patterns that are rewarding and permanent. So what can you change? Your attitude or response? Your beliefs about your potential that stopped serving you a long time ago? Whatever it is that needs to change – it got your attention today for a reason. You are ready for it. Stop playing small. Stop pretending to be deaf, dumb and blind. There is so much more potential inside of you. Wake up and live an awakened life. Your higher self is eager to change!

Blessings and Light,


Coach B

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