Every minute spent repeating the past, wishing you could have done this or that differently, is present time being sacrificed on the altar of regret. Stop repeating the cycle of regret. Stop taking on 100% responsibility for the shortcomings of another. Accept your part in a past relationship and rise up from the altar of regret. Step forward into your new life.
You can’t get yesterday back. When love goes wrong, it’s natural to wish you could have not said whatever you said or did – that ended up being “that last straw” that broke the camel’s back. However, you’re overlooking the fact that if it was the last straw, then it was going on for sometime. So it wasn’t just one thing. If the root of the problem was being ignored, the ending was inevitable. So often couples ignore the signs or one person always wants to sweep problems under the rug until there’s a huge bump that everyone’s tripping over later! I believe people need to address problems in the beginning – a strategy that both are committed to implementing. If they cannot stick to the strategy – the problem will repeat and destroy the relationship down the road. Relationship dynamics involve two people. The person who places the straw on the back – is not always the lone one responsible for the blow up or the ending. Contributing factors often account for endings. Of course not always, but I am speaking to those people who are stuck regretting what they did when it may have been unavoidable, because nothing ever really changed.
When we ignore problems, they become ticking time bombs. If you are stuck regretting, get unstuck as soon as you can! A relationship involves two participating people working as a team with the greater common goal of their shared union being more important than their individual fears or egos. Perhaps the common goal wasn’t so common after all. Perhaps the union wasn’t really a union. So do a reality check for yourself. In retrospect, when you take a look at the relationship – was it always a struggle between your individual wants or were you both equally committed to the union that you shared? If it was a struggle, then that’s a hard way to be in love. Love is a constant negotiation between the individual and the “We” aspect.
When one person decides to walk away from the table, it isn’t a reflection of your failure at love. Just reflects a failure of the “We” to rise beyond the “Me”. So do not take it as personal failure. It’s an ending of an event that was between two separate people who converged at some point in their lives and then separated. Grieve yes – but do not regret who you showed up as in the context of your dynamics. Now you have a chance to grow on down a new path of your life.
The sacrificing season can be over whenever you say it is. If you need someone to forgive you – I forgive you! You are a divine human being – made in the face of God and you’re constantly growing and changing! Your life is not over. No one has the power to give you a death sentence except for you. Time to live now.
Peace & Blessings,